Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Shhhhh, quiet... I'm chasing God's Whisper!

After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.
1 Kings 19:12

Did you ever have a mini Elijah moment.  I could never compare myself to someone as God fearing and gifted as Elijah, but I’m talking about a mini-moment, where I could relate to the vulnerability in Elijah and needing to go to the mountaintop to be with God. Reginna Dettra has a blog party going on today where she's asking us to give us our thoughts on God whispers.  You can flip on over and check out other writings on the story in 1 Kings.  Here's where the Elijah moment touched me recently.

One Sunday morning I was in that moment.  I guess  I was thinking about how my life has been so busy with the boys lately that I hadn't been out as much.  There I was, busy in a kitchen with a dirty pan full of bacon grease and four boys telling me how great the scrambled eggs were.  “You’re the greatest, Mom.”

The greatest.  I  thought of the romantic embraces I used to get from my husband on Sunday mornings when he made the Sunday breakfasts.   Of course they think I’m great- I’m their mom There are moments when I just want another adult around! 

I tried to turn my attention back to the dishes.  To forget and focus on the job at hand.  God asked me why I hid in my cave.  .  What are you doing here?   I knew  He wanted me to get out of my house and come to His. I left the dishes in the sink and went to church with the boys.

I walked up to the church entry feeling particularly vulnerable.  Like I wanted to talk to a friend-- to feel normal again. In the doorway, an angelic looking blonde woman stopped me, “Didn’t you speak at the church a couple of weeks ago?” 

Yes I had.  Just a quick testimony about God's comfort in my loss.

She was so  kind.  Her three practically perfect looking blonde children, all dressed neatly, darted around her legs.  “It really touched me..” she added, “I’m in a tough place and I needed to hear.....”

Just then, one of my friends walked up, “HI, KITTY!    WHAT’VE YOU BEEN DOING THIS WEEKEND!   WE MISSED YOU!”   I’m writing in capital letters because, unlike the little blonde woman, this friend is bold.  Not a bad bold—bold in a good way.  In a way which makes her well liked at my church-  just so much fun with a wonderfully powerful positive presence.   In my vulnerability, I turned to my friend and soaked in her attention, imagining God, Himself, shouting at me, I LOVE YOU, through this woman.  It felt so good.  Like a salve, covering the lonely hole exposed by a weekend of no social life, just me and the kids.

Guilt nagged at me as the blonde had disappeared somewhere into the building while I chatted with my friend.  She's a godly woman, but God wasn’t calling me to be at church for her brazen praises.  As I sat down in the sanctuary, the loneliness of not sitting next to a husband lingered in my heart and followed me back to the car. Most everyone had left the church grounds.   

Everyone but three neatly dressed blonde children prancing about the front door. Go see her.  I felt the whisper deep in my soul.   I headed for the church.   The blonde walked by.  I was about to stop her when another friend, Mike, stopped me to ask how I was doing.  I didn’t want to be rude so I chatted, missing the woman again.   Mike isn’t loud like my first friend, but he’s so well respected that Mike's reputation practically shouted without Mike himself being loud. Mike talks with everyone, but today, it felt like a God thing that he stopped to speak to me.  Mike and I wrapped up our conversation, and he moved on, packing up his teaching kit from Sunday school and leaving for the parking lot.  

I thought of how how empty I still felt after Mike left.  No, as much as God works through Mike so often, God wasn’t shouting to me through him this morning either.  God wouldn’t leave with Mike, He would fill the hole with living water so it would stop hurting.

The blonde passed me again in the hallway, this time heading for the exit, her back turned.  Go to her.  I knew that gentle whisper which guided me to the unassuming woman. I tapped her on the shoulder. “Hi, I’m really sorry I let myself get distracted from meeting you...”

She turned towards me, a sweet smile on her face.  Her red swollen eyes told me she hung around the halls of the church for a reason.  

My heart sank to hear that her husband was leaving her and her three small children.  Her future uncertain, she declared, as sweet as can be, “but God is certain!  Look how he brought us together to meet.  I was hanging around the halls hoping to make a new friend,” she said.  “I need to connect in this church now that my children and I will be alone.  Jared, my oldest, needs a friend.  He’s 9.”

We glanced out the front door of the building to see Jared and my 9 year old already playing. Instant friends.  Soon we were exchanging numbers.

I walked back to my car finally filled... not by the approval of others, but by God Himself.  I thought about how peacefully this lady accepted the table set before her.   She admitted she was needing friendship and then sweetly asked for it.  Wow was that soothing to me in a way that drowned out my thoughts about myself.  All selfish ambitions… gone.

Shouts from the bold friends didn’t soothe me, but the humble admittance from the new meek one was the whisper from the Lord that I don’t need attention, I only need to remember who I am in His plan.

Thank you, Lord, for the whisper, sent through a pretty blonde with red swollen eyes.


thedettras said...

Wow, so moving.... So glad you listened!! Isn't it wonderful how God nudges and whispers!!

Antique Mommy said...

Amazing story. God has a way of using the awful stuff that happens to us to minister to others. Very encouraging post.

Melanie said...

Kitty, I love how you have a heart that hears God - and obeys him!

It Feels Like Chaos said...

what a great post! I have been thinking a lot (and have written a little) about the ways God speaks to me and trying to get better at discerning His voice and following it as my guide. So I loved hearing this testimony of God speaking to you.

Hillary @ The Other Mama said...

Kitty, this is an amazing story. I love to see God working through the every day and these things happen to us all the time without us knowing. Thank you for paying attention, obeying and then sharing with us. What a wonderful and inspirational story.

Elizabeth said...

I don't know why I ever even wonder anymore that God is at the helm. Ever loving ALL his children. You are a great follower like Mary was, a "handmaiden of the Lord". And you are never alone.